just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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