At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
