3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
