I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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