I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
