I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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