Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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