I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
