I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
