I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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