It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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