Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
