i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was like eating out sand paper
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
