I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
