it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
