They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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