We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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