I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
