That's when you crack a 10am beer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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