As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
