i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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