He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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