I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
