dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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