I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
