My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
