Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
