areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
