Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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