it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
