You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
