Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh god it's open bar.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
