Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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