Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
