Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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