hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
