mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
