the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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