then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
