Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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