HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
