i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
