Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
