im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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