Small penises have feelings too.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
