oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
