Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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