This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
