As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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