You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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