Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
