and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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