so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
