you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
