What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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